What do you do when you need a plan?

You hatchet.
 
At 17.9cm (just over 7 inches) of insertable length and about 3.5cm (1.37in) wide at the widest point, the Hackjob is a fuckable hatchet in medium-firm shore 20A silicone. With a walnut-brown handle and silver blade year-round or the addition of a special drip of blood on the blade on halloween day only, the Hackjob is an excellent dildo, costume prop, and impact toy. Thuddy on the side of the blade, with a more localized thump at the edge or back, the Hackjob is an excellent all-around toy for all your fun wanky needs. If you happen to have a vulva, it also has texture on the underside of the blade for when you've got an axe to grind.