Is the packaging discreet?

Toys are shipped in padded yellow bubble mailers. They have your address, my address, and some barcodes. Larger orders ship in standard USPS priority mail boxes. If you're concerned about housemates opening your mail, you can have it held at the post office, just leave a note at checkout.

Do you design custom toys?


Nope! I entertained requests for a while, and it almost always ended up with me having waste a lot of time talking to someone who couldn't afford even the cost of the materials for what they wanted, let alone my time. A custom design is going to cost you upward of $200, bare minimum.


Why are custom color toys more expensive?


I use 11 primary pigments, many of which I make myself due to not being available on the market, to mix exactly the color you want, which requires some back and forth in email, and show you the finished step for approval before moving on. I also remake the toy if you're not completely satisfied with how the color or swirl turned out. The extra $5 is added to custom toys because my work is worth it.

What are the care instructions?


For cleaning silicone, soap and water or the dishwasher with a non-abrasive detergent are fine, boiling is the sanitization method I recommend. Storing in plastic is advised, as cloth cases can dull the glossy surface over time.


For acrylic, same as above but cloth is fine. Do not boil, as boiling can make the acrylic cloudy and dull, or even melt it a little.

For the few glass toys I've made, soap and water, bleach sanitizing is fine, do not boil.

Be kind to the wooden paddles. Do not insert.


Additionally, do not store your silicone toys in direct sunlight. The light resistance of pigments varies, and some colors can fade with sun exposure.

How big are the toys?​

Sizes are typically listed on each toy in its store listing! Suction cup bases are all 2 1/8 inches.

How much is shipping?

Shipping to the US is $6, Canada is $12, and the rest of the world is $18. You can also choose whether you want stickers included in your package for free. Additionally, while the packaging is discreet, you can have your package held at the post office (at least in the US) if you're concerned about nosy housemates.

What colors are available?

Now that I've started making turquoise, violet, neon green, orange, and magenta pigments, the available colors are almost all of them. Particulary bright cyan hues aren't possible due to a gap in non-toxic pigments that exist. Fluorescents, metallics, thermal color change, and glow in the dark pigments are not available due to safety concerns as well.

Can I get more than six colors?

Six is, at the moment, the limit.

Is the Swell based on *your* penis?

No. Stop asking me about my penis. It's rude.

Are you making any other Penis-shaped toys?

Nope. Here's why.

How did you start doing this?

Once upon a time, in the early days of my polyamory, I met someone who was into things I didn't have the tools for. Said items would have taken a week to arrive, so I made them. Then I made more. Then I kept going for a year, opened an Etsy store called BeatCleaverPaddles, then I started working with silicone, and eventually Funkit Toys happened. This story is also available in more complete form on every podcast I've ever been on and at every party I've attended since I started this work.

Will you make a glitter dildo?


Glitter dildos are available April 1st, as that's a rule-breaking holiday.


Do you do wholesale?

Yes! I prefer education-based or queer-focused shops and events, and also donate flawed toys as demo models for educators. Get in touch for more details, I'd love to hear from you.

Do you send toys to bloggers?

At the moment, Funkit Toys is pretty broke. Once it's more stable, I'll be doing more of this again. You can see the existing ones on the press page.

Do you make double-ended toys?

All of Funkit's silicone toys are equipped with a powerful suction cup, and they can be stuck together to make double ended toys or otherwise interact with each other.

Returns & Refunds


If something manages to slip through the rigorous inspection process here and your toy has a surface bubble or inclusion in it not described on the product listing, contact me and we'll work something out.

Privacy Policy


My business cards say "Fucksmith" on them, but you may not be as open about what you do. At no place on the packaging do I print "Extra Kinky Fucksquiggle for [insert name here]" or even my company name or logo, and I will not give out your information anywhere. (International customs forms require I disclose what's inside, but I make this pretty innocuous, i.e. serving tray, laser-cut acrylic cutout, silicone cast sculpture)

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