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Is the packaging discreet?

Toys are shipped in plain or USPS branded cardboard boxes. Sometimes larger orders have labels of other, entirely mundane companies because I reuse as much packaging as I can. If you're concerned about housemates opening your mail, you can have it held at the post office with priority mail, just leave a note at checkout. And please reuse or recycle the boxes!

Will you make for me a thing you do not make already?


Nope! I entertained requests for a while, and it almost always ended up being a lot of time talking to someone who didn't budget for even the cost of the materials for what they wanted, let alone my time. A custom design would cost you upward of $600, bare minimum. If, of course, I had the time, which I do not.

Are your toys silicone lube compatible?

I get this a lot and the answer is not really, but not for the reasons you were told to think. While silicone lube does not immediately damage silicone toys, it's not ideal. The amount on a condom won't have much immediate effect, but solid silicone (polydimethylsiloxane) can absorb silicone lube (dimethicone, aka dimethylsiloxane) by osmosis. So if, say, you use it on a buttplug and wear it around, by the time you go to take it out it might be very uncomfortable. This can make it swell, and the dimethicone can also dissolve additives in the silicone that give it its structure and strength, and possibly mess with any coatings applied on more industrially-made toys. Needless to say, this is not a cost effective way of making toys bigger. In short, water based is best, but a little silicone lube from a lubricated condom on a shared toy helps you a lot more than it harms the toy, and I'd advise using it over not in such situations.


How much is shipping?


It's calculated by weight, so usually between 5 and 12 dollars to the US, 22-44 to Canada, and 25-60 everywhere else. Sometimes I can wiggle a cheaper shipping fee and refund you the difference, but not often. Additionally with international shipments, your country's customs agency may charge import fees or VAT. US shipping is free for orders over $150.

Why are custom color toys more expensive?


I use 13 primary pigments, many of which I make myself due to not being available on the market, to mix exactly the color you want, which requires some back and forth in email, and show you the finished step for approval before moving on. I also remake the toy if you're not completely satisfied with how the color or swirl turned out. The extra $5 is added to custom toys because my work is worth it.


What colors are available?

Now that I've started making violet, neon green, orange, and magenta pigments, the available colors are almost all of them. Particulary bright cyan hues aren't possible due to a gap in non-toxic pigments that exist. Thermal color change and glow in the dark pigments are not available due to my own concerns with their safety as well. I also don't use mica pigments in the main line of toys to minimize the number of pigments I have to keep stocked.

What are the care instructions?


For cleaning silicone, fragrance free dish soap and water (silicone can absorb the often oil-based fragrances, smell your spatulas) or the dishwasher with a non-abrasive detergent are fine, boiling is the sanitization method I recommend. Storing in plastic is advised, as cloth cases can dull the glossy surface over time.


For acrylic, same as above but cloth is fine. Do not boil, as boiling can make the acrylic cloudy and dull, or even melt it a little.

For the few glass toys I've made, soap and water, bleach sanitizing is fine, do not boil.

Be kind to the wooden paddles. Do not insert.

Additionally, do not store your silicone toys in direct sunlight. The light resistance of pigments varies, and some colors can fade with sun exposure.

How big are the toys?​


Sizes are typically listed on each toy in its store listing! Suction cup bases are all 2 1/8 inches.

Do you do wholesale?


Yes! I prefer education-based or queer-focused shops and events, and also donate flawed toys as demo models for educators. Get in touch for more details, I'd love to hear from you.


I'm an influencer who would like to do paid promotion on my blog/instagram/website/onlyfans/social media.


I mean, first of all, that's not a question, KENTON. Second, it is the official stance of Funkit Toys (which is to say, just me) that advertising is dead, which conveniently fits the company budget of mothescapingwallet.gif. Try a bigger company, I hear those have money sometimes!

Can I get more than six colors?

Six is, at the moment, the limit.


Is the Swell based on *your* penis?

No. Stop asking me about my penis. It's rude.

Are you making any other Penis-shaped toys?

Nope. Here's why.

How did you start doing this?

Once upon a time, I met someone who was into things I didn't have the tools for. Said items would have taken a week to arrive, so I made them. Then I made more. Then I kept going for a year, opened an Etsy store called BeatCleaverPaddles, then I started working with silicone, and eventually Funkit Toys happened. This story is also available in more complete form on every podcast I've ever been on and live at every party I've attended since I started this work.

Will you make a glitter dildo?


If it is not already available with mica pigment, there is a reason for that and it will not change.

Do you send toys to bloggers?

At the moment, Funkit Toys is pretty broke. Once it's more stable, I'll be doing more of this again. You can see the existing ones on the press page, but this notice has been here a long-ass time and is unlikely to change anytime soon.

Do you make double-ended toys?

All of Funkit's silicone toys are equipped with a powerful suction cup, and they can be stuck together to make double ended toys or otherwise interact with each other. also, there's the Plug-of-War.

Returns & Refunds


If something manages to slip through the rigorous inspection process here and your toy has a surface bubble or inclusion in it not described on the product listing, contact me and we'll work something out.

Privacy Policy


My business cards say "Fucksmith" on them, but you may not be as open about what you do. At no place on the packaging do I print "Extra Kinky Fucksquiggle for [insert name here]" or even my company name or logo, and I will not give out your information anywhere. (International customs forms require I disclose what's inside, but I make this pretty innocuous, i.e. serving tray, laser-cut acrylic cutout, silicone cast sculpture)

Can you refer me to your marketing/sales/shipping/web design/ordering/hiring department?

Sure, but plot twist, those are all just me in a different hat.


Fill out the form if you want or need to reach Funkit Toys for any reason!

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