Two NoFrillDos! Save a whopping three bucks! It's a NoFrillDuo!
NoFrillDo is the "Cup Ramen with Veggies and an Egg" of dildos. If you can afford a fancier dildo, support the creation of fancier dildos. It's worth it. If not, though? I think you should be able to buy a safe, non-toxic sex toy without worrying about rent.
What are the best features of a NoFrillDo?
NoFrillDos don't come with features. Features are expensive. Instead, they come with these:
- Every NoFrillDo has a shape causing them to occupy a set amount of space. This means they can be put in a hole, and the flared base means your doctor doesn't have to know.
- A NoFrillDo is guaranteed not to come with any guarantees. NoFrillDo promises nothing.
- NoFrillDos come in colors, making them visible to the human eye. Several of these colors are not pink.
- NoFrillDos can be cleaned with soap and water. No need for "toy cleaners". Just soap.
- NoFrillDos are cheap, so you can spend the money you saved on a nice, water-based lube of your choice.
- A NoFrillDo does not look like a penis. NoFrillDos don't look like much at all, really.
- NoFrillDos don't come with instructions. NoFrillDo trusts your ingenuity. Also, printing things is expensive.
NoFrillDo comes in 3 shapes (left to right above) and 4 colors:
- R: Helical design, fun texture for rotation and penetration. 6.75" insertable length, 1.25" thick.
- G: Slight curve for gentle G-spot/prostate stimulation. 6.75" insertable length, 1.25" thick.
- B: Shorter and thicker with two stimulating bumps on one side, great for putting pressure where you want it. 5.75" insertable length, 1.33" thick.
- C: Cyan.
- M: Magenta.
- Y: Yellow.
- K: black. Or Koal. whatever helps designers sleep at night.
Firmness: Shore 20A, similar to medium steak. If you press your thumb to your middle finger and squeeze the meaty thumb muscle with your other hand, it's about like that. Firm enough to hit the spots, but still squeezable.
Illustration by Pseudonym Jones.