The guy you've been seeing knows all the best restaurants. His car is always sparkling clean, he's big, soft, and bulges in all the right places. He always wears rubbers. 
Oh, and he's hung like a sock full of oranges.
Proper Attire is available in shimmery black and white for a limited time as a fundraiser because my car decided to do everything at once, and it has been expensive. Once I sell thirty of these, they'll be made in flat black or white, but no mica ever again. If you decide to buy one, thanks for helping me unfuck my finances!
 
Firmness: shore 0050 siliconeLength: 8 inches, or 20cm
max width: 2.5 inches, about 63mm
circumference: also about 8 inches or 200mm
diameter at tip: 1 3/4 in, 42ish mmChonky. over 700 grams, about a pound and a half.