Finally, a serious impact toy for unserious people! It's a fish you hit people with. Like monty python or the muppet show, but vegan! And odorless. And you don't need a new one every time. Really, the cost savings alone are tremendous.
 
This silicone fish paddle is as much fun to swing as it is to look at. or be hit with. Or watch someone be hit with in an elaborate market/fishing boat roleplay. Can be turned around to mount on your wall without the logo facing out. The head is thuddier, the tail is stingier, and you can hold it anywhere. Cover everything but the handle in water-based lube for an extra realistic experience! or don't, the middle and large sizes are nearly a pound and over two pounds respectively.


It comes in three sizes:


the Smackerel is a smaller, slappier fish for your lighter impact needs. Travel in comfort with the knowledge that you can slap anyone, anytime, anywhere. With consent, of course. 
 
290mm long (or 11.5 inches in Bad Numbers)

the Slammin' is a goldilocks medium-sized fish paddle, for with to hit people.

Head to tail: 44.2cm, 17.4 in, belly to fin: 8.5cm, 3.33 in, gill to gill: 2.53cm, 1 in.


the One That Got Away is a big fucker. You almost had 'im, too.

23 1/4 inches long, 59cm. 950 grams of silicone, or just over 2 pounds. Yeesh. that'll leave a mark.


The Smackerel and Slammin' are available in a firm shore 20A, which is a bit easier to swing without practice, and all three fish are available in floppy 0050, which is a bit funnier.