You've seen my regular fish paddle, but you should've seen the one that got away.
 
Finally, a serious impact toy for unserious people! The One That Got Away is actually the original design size of the fish paddle, but I looked at the size (and how long the mold would take to print) and thought, maybe this is a bit much. But it isn't. It's perfect, it's enormous, and it's only available in floppy because it's too big for me to mix that much of the firmer silicone. It's a fish you hit people with. I have no troubt ee'll be salmon' it into someone's (b)ass in no time.  Cover everything but the handle in water-based lube for an extra realistic experience! Actually, maybe don't. You could do some property damage if this one slips.
 
Made of soft 0050 silicone, this silicone fish paddle is as much fun to swing as it is to look at. or be hit with. Or watch someone be hit with in an elaborate market/fishing boat roleplay. Can be turned around to mount on your wall without the logo facing out.
 
950 grams of silicone, or just over 2 pounds. Yeesh.
 
23 1/4 inches long, 59cm.
 
Big fucker. You almost had 'im too.